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How Can I Gain Self-Confidence?

Often times, we long to gain self-confidence. Such situations are usually those where we are required to act alone and the outcome of this action has important consequences.

Such situations can be very stressful.

What Kind Of Situations Am I Talking About?

  1. Facing a job interview
  2. Delivering a public speech
  3. Presenting in a classroom / at work
  4. Selling something and you need to approach strangers for the same
  5. Being on a date

There are many such situations where the situation itself is very important but you are acting alone.

In this article, you will learn effective ways to deal with such situations and feel confident.

Before we get to the solution itself, let’s first understand why such situations cause us to stress in the first place.


Why Do We Feel Stressed In Situations Where We Are Required To Act Alone?

For 1000s of years, human beings have lived within tribes. Being part of a tribe was critical for one’s survival.

In fact, one of the worst punishments anybody could get is expulsion from a tribe. This usually proved to be deadly.

While the situation has changed over the last couple of centuries, our evolutionary adaptation of belonging to groups has not.

This is exactly why we have an innate need to belong to a group. It has evolutionary reasoning.  Want proof?


“To be, or not to be?” It depends on your social connections.

Check out this interesting research of 6 blue zones of the world.

These are zones where people life expectancy is above average. This study was conducted with the intention of finding common patterns amongst these zones.

The common pattern that was found was - social connections.

People with good social connections were found to live longer. Since these people lived in groups, it turns out that their stress levels are usually very low.

As you can see, our ‘need to belong’ has profound consequences on different aspects of our lives.


21st Century Stressors

Having said that, 21st century world poses many situations, where we are required to act alone.

Even worse, in a lot of these situations, we are either being judged by an audience or by the society in general.

Such situations can indeed be very intimidating.


What Is the Solution?

The first thing to recognize here is that feeling stressed in situations where we are required to act alone is normal. Everybody feels the same.

It is due to evolutionary reasons that we feel like this.

Now you may be wondering how some people manage to mask this stress – “Do they not have this problem?”

Well, to have an answer to this, let’s have a look at famous motivational speaker Tony Robbins.

Doesn’t he seem super energetic and confident on stage? Aren’t you eager to know his secret technique of being like this?

Well, pay attention to the fact that he spends a lot of effort pumping and prepping himself prior to the show. Here’s an interesting video about it.

His confidence is not just some inherent quality that he has. Rather, he needs to work meticulously towards maintaining it.

So what can you learn from this video?
A simple thing – Don’t be deceived by someone’s seemingly natural self-confidence.

Everyone has his or her insecurities. If someone comes across as confident and high-spirited, it just means that he/she found some technique to appear so.

Even Tony Robbins has to take time off during his day to work on his energy and confidence.

Maybe you should take inspiration from this, don’t you think?

Should you spin like MC Hammer before an important conversation? Well, at least people will remember you!


What Are The Practical Things You Can Pick Up And Implement In Your Life?

Instead of bouncing on the trampoline, you can instead jump on the spot. Or make any other active body movement that will, in turn, pump up your emotions and energy.

Check out the blog-post – “Two methods of World’s top athletes to Boost Self-confidence”  for specific ideas. 😊

Another solution – you can engage in a powerful body posture. This will have positive psychological consequences and make you feel more confident.

To sum up, pick one practical method that best suits you and use this technique to boost your self-confidence before important situations and events.



  1. Self-confidence is not something you are born with. Rather, it is a skill. If you wish to develop it, you need to work on it.
  2. Pick one ritual you will use to boost confidence before important events. Practice this ritual.


Do you have any pre-event rituals?


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Igor Smirnov

Igor Smirnov

Psychologist, blogger, chess Grandmaster, Internet entrepreneur. Follow Igor on Facebook

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